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I was that girl.

Before I had children I was a hard worker, very driven and focused on my career. I got my drive from my brother, growing up I saw how successful he was becoming and I instantly wanted that success from a young age. I began working at the age of 16, I purposed my dream and became a performer like I always wanted, dancing was a massive part of my life. I traveled the country performing from night clubs to corporate events to making my own shows. I was focused and committed and loved what I was doing. I was living my dream. I was never afraid to try something new and always thrived on new challenges. I was always open to new business opportunities.

I was the girl in my group of friends that would be the last one out of the group to have children, I was the one who loved to party, loved to make money, go on lots of holidays, drive a nice car, had the best designer handbags and shoes, I was the one who would yawn when some of the girls would talk about child birth and always say commmmmmon guys can we not talk about this. I always said I will have children when I’m over 30, when I have my own house, a stable career and am financially secure so that I can give my kids the best possible life.

Its amazing the plans we make in our head and we actually believe they are going to go to plan, this plan didn’t go the way I had originally planned it. I was not the last girl to have a baby in my group, I fell pregnant at the height of my career when I was 25 years old, I was living at home. Il be honest falling pregnant was a massive shock to the system, and when I found out I screamed so loud, I was in a friends house at the time, and I was in complete shock, all I kept saying was “this is not part of my plan”!!!!!!! What am I going to do????? Im not 30? I don’t have my own house? I’m not financially free? OMG my life is over???

I had to leave my friends house as she kept congratulating me and it was killing me I kept saying how can you be happy? Are you serious? I can’t be a mother? Not now? Nothing is in place? Then I said I need to leave……..

Looking back it was all me, me, me and I did not think of all the positives.

After the initial shock and drama, I went to the doctor and he confirmed that yes I was pregnant, I had slept on it overnight and woke up feeling more positive, and came around to the idea and began to love the idea that I was going to be a mammy.

As the baby was growing in my tummy my love was growing and I was walking a round proud as punch that I was going to be a mammy, I couldn’t wait for my bump to get big so everyone knew I was having a baby, I rubbed my tummy all the time to make sure baby was comfortable, I ate perfectly, I exercised often, I got that maternal instinct straight away and began taking better care of myself. I never thought I would get maternal instinct like other women because I was so focused on my career, I just never got it???? Never got that whole maternal thing.

As soon as my perfect baby boy was born 7.2oz I had never in my life felt love like this before, it was magical and so perfect, holding him in my arms made me feel safe, secure, and loved.

In June 2014 I was on holidays, my first family holiday with my son, having a blast it was gorgeous, I felt different on this holiday, I felt something in my tummy, I just kept thinking I was imagining it, every time I felt it I would question myself….. What is that???? Could I be pregnant???? I would then laugh to myself and say no sure how could I? I have the coil in? That’s 100%? Isn’t it? Well almost? naaaaahhhhh Emma Don’t be silly.IMG_0695

When I came home from holiday I was sitting on the couch, Xavier was playing on the floor with his toys, I felt that movement again in my tummy, I lifted up my top and OMG I saw something kick in my tummy!!!!!!!! I was frantic, I was in a panic??????? I drove to the chemist, got like 4 pregnancy tests and yes they were all positive….. IL never forget this day it was a Saturday, so the doctors surgery was closed. It was like dejavu….. I had been here before? And had all these feelings before?

That Monday I went to the doc, and YES I was pregnant…….. I kept asking how can this be???? I have the coil in? This is suppose to work for 5 years?????? The docs couldn’t answer me, they just said “you must have been pregnant before you got it in”…. Well………

I was referred to the hospital to get an emergency scan to see how far gone I was………. Wait for it………….. I WAS 22 WEEKS PREGNANT….. OMG could my body take anymore shock???????? I was like a mad woman asking all these questions.

Iv been drinking? I had cocktails on holidays? I haven’t been taking folic acid? I haven’t even been taking vitamins???????? OMG have I damaged the baby????? I instantly became worried because I did not know I was pregnant so I couldn’t be extra cautious??? Where is the coil gone??

To say this was the quickest pregnancy ever is an understatement, it flew by, it was like I clicked my finger and baby no 2 was here………

Soon enough my princess was in my arms Arabella 8.9oz (yes she was a big one) This was a very emotional labor for me, I went through labor knowing I was going to be a single Mammy and be on my own with two babies, I was petrified of baby no 2 coming along. It was very emotional, I cried and cried not because of the physical pain but because my heart was broken into a million pieces. Β Thank god I had my aunt with me in the labor room, my Mam’s sister, I felt so close to my Mam, at one point in labor I was sitting on the medicine ball, in absolute agony the contractions were getting worse and worse, a Celine Dion song came on the radio, my Mam’s favorite,( I saw this as a sign that she was with me) (with the pain I screamed turn that off) I can laugh now, god love the poor midwife she ran to the radioIMG_4016

Now I have two babies Xavier & Arabella, they’re 1 & 2 I’m 27 years old, I struggle financially everyday, I rent the home I’m living in, I don’t buy the things I used to, my kids don’t have the best of everything, they sometimes wear hand me downs, they don’t get to go to the play centre all the time, sometimes I have to say no when we are in the toy stores, I am doing it alone as a single Mammy, I struggle physically, emotionally, financially but one things for sure, I learned a lot over the last 3 years, and money is not everything. LOVE is so much more important, being able to love your child unconditionally is a blessing, its a beautiful gift we are given as parents, to be able to love it a beautiful thing and that is more important to me than anything else in the world. Not everyone has that maternal instinct, not everyone can love. I feel blessed to have all this love to share.

Im still a very hard worker, I have goals, vision, plans and I have so much more that I want to achieve for myself and my kids but one valuable lesson I learned along the way is that not everything goes to plan, and That’s OK because life is all about balance, compromise and adapting to change. The plan might not happen right away or go the way you want it to, but it will happen in the future you might just have to make a few sacrifices and get a balance.

I have gone through a lot of change in the last couple of years and yes it can be difficult but change is also good, it makes you value the important things in life.

I know IL get my home with a big back garden for the kids, It might not happen right away but it will happen That’s for sure.

I now live my life and focus on what I do have instead of focusing on what I don’t have, life is very very special and beautiful, I don’t take anything for granted and I value every precious moment.

The most precious moments are the ones that don’t cost a thing.

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Emma XxX

 

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